Could I be inherently bad?

If you grew up in a Christian home, chances are that you remember the story of Solomon and two women who presented a predicament to him. Essentially, there was one good mother and one bad mother. The bad mother was pretending to be the mother of the others child. Okay, I may have just confused you. Go read the story with my hyperlink! It will make more sense.

Anyway, Solomon, in his wisdom, told the mothers that he would cut the baby in half. Naturally the good mother wanted to save her child and the bad mother replied, “Go ahead and cut him in half. Then neither of us will have the baby.”

I don’t remember how old I was at the time, maybe six or seven years old. But I was cast as the bad mother. My best friend was the good mother. My line was simple, “Cut the baby!” I repeated this a few times while my friend said, “Don’t cut the baby!” I was later dragged away by a “prison guard” as the audience cheered.

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I would like to think that the assigning of roles was an arbitrary decision but that role I was given has always been something I’ve struggled with. Could I be inherently bad? Was there a reason I so naturally fit into the part of “bad” mother.

I was the kid who was tough to get along with growing up. I grew upset easily with my friends and would start fights all the darn time. Heck, I get annoyed with myself thinking back on it. I was needlessly mean when I wanted to be and I’ve been told I have a natural disposition of saying things that hurt others without realizing it. I’ve been distracted by the things of this world and constantly struggle to be better, to be kinder.

I was pondering whether or not I could be inherently bad for the first time in years and I believe God sent me an answer, oddly enough through Harry Potter. For any Christians raised in ultra conservative households like myself, do you remember when saying you liked Harry Potter was the equivalent of saying that you loved Lucifer? To think of all the time I wasted not reading it! 

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Harry, like myself, struggled with feeling as though he could be evil, or have the potential to be bad within himself because of his abilities and who he inherently was. Within Hogwarts, the Wizarding school he attended, students were placed into different houses by an all knowing sorting hat. When the sorting hat for houses was placed on his head, he repeated to himself that he didn’t want to be in the Slytherin house and was then placed in Gryffindor. Slytherin was famous for housing every wizard who had ever become bad.

Feeling as though he had the ability to become evil weighed heavily on Harry. But Dumbledore’s advice to him offers me a sense of comfort and reassurance:

“[The sorting hat] only put me in Gryffindor,” said Harry in a defeated voice, “because I asked not to go in Slytherin…”

“Exactly,” said Dumbledore, beaming once more. “Which makes you very different from Tom Riddle. It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

I acknowledge that within me is the potential to be awful, selfish and completely unworthy of anything that I have. But isn’t that why scripture tells us in Romans 3:23 that “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Just beyond that verse that really exposes all of us for who we really are is a beacon of hope in verse 24, “and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

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Every single day I choose again to follow God and accept the salvation he offers to me. I choose to reject my selfish nature and destructive thought patterns. I choose the good that God offers over the beauty and rotting allure of the world. And lastly, I am reminded by Dumbledore, that it is our choices that show us who truly are, far more than our abilities.

Post 2/365 – Ask and you WILL receive

I want to ask you guys a question, if you had the opportunity to wish for ONE thing, anything at all,  what would you wish for?

Some may wish for money, friends, fame, but what did Solomon ask for?

1 Kings 3:5-9

5 At Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.”

6 Solomon answered, “You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day.

7 “Now, O LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. 9 So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?”

In my 11th grade AP English class, after the AP exam we just watched movies, one of which was Interstate 60, a movie if you have yet to watch, I recommend you do!  I don’t want to spoil the movie for you but I’ll tell as much as you would find on the back of a book cover [ which REALLY peeves me when there’s actually a ton], a man goes around granting people wishes on their birthday,  some wish for the ability to eat on and on without becoming full, some wish for money, but one young man wished for an answer.  AN ANSWER! How many times would an answer be all we need? [especially for me and picking colleges :/]

So many times I’ve read books and watched shows of people who have the chance to make wishes and I always sit back and think what I would have wished for in their position, would I be the “norm” who wishes for fame and fortune, or would I be unique, the one who asked for an answer, or for wisdom?

Something that I’ve always struggled with was my intelligence .  Many people say it must be amazing to be the younger child, but that’s REALLY not always the case, especially if you have a much more “intelligent” brother.  The kind of brother who teachers remember, who can be defined as the “walking dictionary“, who is tagged in those really annoying tags of Facebook that even I do as “The smartest person you know”. When I say intelligent I mean the very class I hated and could barley pull a 90 in, he got a 100 in without blinking an eye.  It just always seemed unfair.

When I was thinking about what to write about, the concept of knowledge, the idea of ask and you will receive kept coming back to me.  Can we even really understand how GREAT a concept it is?

You don’t need a fairy, a genie, a magic lamp or anything along those lines, you need faith even as small as a mustard seed and you will RECEIVE!

I remember my sophomore year of high school my overall average was a 95 one quarter, when I showed my mother she was happy but responded by saying

“Now only if you’re brother has worked as hard as you in highschool, imagine how well he would have done!”

Well gee thanks mom?

But here’s the thing about out God, it doesn’t matter how smart people think you are, or even how dumb,all that matters is if you trust and love him.  Did I deserve that 95?  Could I have gotten that on my own?  Some may argue maybe, but I would say no.

This post is a voice of encouragement for everyone and anyone reading this post, you REALLY CAN do anything because nothing is impossible for our God.

This summer while studying for SATs I feel a bit overwhelmed, but I know one fact above all, it doesn’t matter how great my knowledge is, but how great my GOD is.  And letme’ tell you, he’s pretty great.

See you tommrow,


July 26th 2010

8:01 pm

**Comment for tomorrow’s topic!