This is one of the many wise things my Calculus professor has told me this semester, that and, “It all goes downhill from here!”. Apparently she meant that second quote in a positive way, but at the time I was grasping for breathe in anxiety. Today in almost 2 hours, I will be taking the final I have been waiting all summer session 1 to take. And needless to say, I am freaking out. Not too much, just on the inside a little bit. And I’m at the place where I don’t want to look at any other practice questions and will probably just read over my formula sheet and notes.
With all that being said I couldn’t help but thinking over and over again to this particular thing my professor said. Life is about the process and not the result. Somehow we had gotten on the topic of cheating and people were arguing in defense of cheating. It really makes me sick. I try to not show it much when people mention they cheat, but it makes me feel so sick. And I can’t wrap my head around how people are able to rationalize cheating in their minds. But most of the time I just keep my mouth shout and just say I don’t like cheating, in fear of offending the person I’m talking with.
But in this case the people in my class were unrelenting. Arguing about the actual use of calculus in everyday life and how they wanted to just fast forward to the final, take it and be done. I’m so done with taking that motto of life. Because I’ve passed by things too quickly waiting for new things to come. So as I sit and wait for my test to begin, I am no longer looking at it as 2 hours of wasted time. Its 2 hours I have to study and enjoy right before my final.
And more than anything I know that even if I get a letter grade which disappoints me, whether it be because I just didn’t study enough or was not prepared enough, that this grade does not define me. And this course isn’t important because of the letter grade I’m assigned, but the journey it took me to get this grade. That’s what it all comes down to at the end of the day.
Because up until this point, I’ve worked hard. Maybe not as much as I should have, and maybe I did procrastinate a lot…like now. But I also really enjoyed this class. It was the first time I ever found math even a little bit interesting and realized that my arithmetic sucks with a capital s.
So I beg you, and urge you, please do not just race through your life. Going from one task to the next, caring only about the grade you were assigned at the end. Because all of this means so little in the grand scheme of things. And life is always about the process, never just the result.
1. I would never forget the value of being 100% true to myself, regardless of circumstances.
2. I could have weekly brunches with greatest minds of the entire world and just ask them question after question.
3. I can die saying that I did something of worth in my life, or really helped the people around me.
I find the timing of this post really funny, I have just a week before my math final and it is STRESSING ME OUT! I think that all finals in general stress me out, but more so its the anticipation and fear. Really that’s what anything in life really comes down to, fear.
I’m afraid of going for my final and realizing I know nothing. I’m afraid of finding out whether or not I failed. And waiting on these things turns me green with anticipation and STRESS! Oh the stress.
The thing is, fear is crippling. Fear can hold us back in so many different ways. When I think back on this week, I’ve turned down at least 4 people I really wanted to spend time with because even if I procrastinate, I feel guilty having fun the week before my final.
It’s really stupid because I end up doing nothing all day anyway. I just don’t want to allow myself the enjoyment of the company of my friends.
I remember going for my last math final and being so stressed out right before. The final ended up being CRAZY easy and I passed with flying colors. But right before I felt like I was going to puke. All this anticipation was leading up to this one moment and when this moment came I didn’t really know what to do.
Because getting my final wasn’t really an awe inspiring moment. I got my test, started and finished it like I would any other test. Only difference was I actually really knew my stuff this time around.
It stresses me out that blackboard isn’t showing my final exam prep videos and that less and less time is there for me to study. But it’s not until this stress really motivates me that I actually stop messing around and focus. So I guess in many ways stress can be a really great thing. It’s an amazing motivator for so many different reasons.
Here are a few of the nicknames I have been given over the years!
This was first given to me by my cousin Eden and I was kind of offended by it at first. Over the years I have grown to love this name though, I even find it a little bit charming too! It just sounds really weird and odd and I love being weird and odd.
Only my cousins in India call me this. I get surprised when I see them after a long time and they call me this because it makes me feel odd. My body instinctively responds to it but my mind may not have consciously recognize it. I actually like this name a lot! I think it’s cute!
This was given to me by my dad. It’s my house name and strangely longer than my actually name. It’s kind of embarrassing! But I feel like only people who really love me call me this.
Only a few people call me this and mostly to just annoy me. I’ve always thought my actual name is easy to pronounce.
I was Snap, Christine was Crackle and Sherin was Pop. It was actually supposed to be that Sherin was Crackle and Christine was Pop but I feel like Christine can sometimes come off more as a crackle and Sherin more like a Pop. All three of us girls have gone through sunday school together for our entire lives and these were the name we betrothed upon us. I also call Christine Giggles and Sherin Cuddles, I need a cute nickname like that! Maybe… talkles? nah
I’m the Fire and Christine is the Ice. We’re total opposites but I think that’s why our friendship has worked so well thus far. When the fire get out of control, bring in some ice. But something you need some warmth too!
New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This single bible verse has been coming into my life time and time again, its almost like I can’t escape it! But this verse inspires me in so many ways. So many times I’m left feeling out of control of everything around me. I think this verse constantly speaks into my life when I find myself wanting to take control over the situations around me.
The thing is, we can’t always be in control, never really. And this can feel really scary to accept, but to know Jesus is in control is so comforting because he knows exactly what we need and has a plan and a purpose for everything.
Whenever I find myself feeling upset, I think of my father holding me and shielding me. I never actually need to be afraid of anything. Being afraid is like me lugging a large umbrella when I’m praying for sunshine all day. God’s in control, never forget that.
I met with the other marketing intern for The Ticket yesterday and strangely enough we were talking about goals. I don’t remember what book in particular Jenn was telling me about but this book suggested that instead of writing to-do lists you write traits you want to see in yourself. So I plan on doing just that.
1. Be the type of person who put 100% in everything (instead of PASS CALCULUS!)
2. Be kind and loving and there for those who need you
3. Worry about your character and not your reputation
4. Be beautiful inside
5. Stop trying to be like everyone else
That’s all for today! See you tomorrow
Writing these blog posts have really become this guilty pleasure of mine. What greater indulgence than one’s own thoughts? Anyway today I’ll be telling all of you about something that I am afraid of.
I remember living in my old house and being scared to death of the dark. Not enough to make my parents get a night light. (Do you really think my parents would have been okay with me wasting electricity on that thing, doubtful) But enough where some nights I would watch the shadows and cringe under my sheets, only nights I couldn’t really sleep to begin with.
Up until I was maybe five or six my brother and I slept in the same bed every night. Our actual bedrooms were on the second story of the house but my mother wanted to make sure we were safe. So we both slept in the guest room next to their bed. Sometimes with my grandma. So you see, I didn’t really ever have to be afraid. Because my big brother was sleeping right there next to me.
Luckily I am no longer afraid of the dark. Thank God because now I have my own bedroom. But I’m afraid of something much larger than lurking creatures that could kill me in the depths of night. I’m afraid of failing.
I’m so afraid of failing. Because even though I would love to believe that anyone is capable of anything, I struggle to realize that this isn’t always true. This isn’t really all to realistic either. I do believe that everyone holds their own unique talent which they can excel at when given the proper attention.
I’m just afraid that I haven’t realized what this talent is and I’m actually wasting away precious time doing something I cannot succeed at. But luckily, I serve a God who can do the impossible. So why can’t he work in me too?
I’m afraid of college and what it means if I struggle. I’m afraid of trying my hardest and still doing poorly. I’m afraid of pouring my heart in something, learning it was all in vain.