Everyone feels sad sometimes

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It feels odd to write down, but it’s so true.  Everyone feels sad sometimes.  I don’t know why I imagine that I am the only person who feels the way I do when I go through rough patches in life.  Sometimes that sadness can seem engulfing and the scariest thing in the world to do is to address what I’m feeling.  The bible says that there is a time for weeping and a time for rejoicing.  But all I want to do is rejoice!

I’m sure that there are lots of people who feel the same way that I do.  I don’t want whatever situation I’m going through to burden others.  I don’t want other people to know that I’m experiencing pain.  And I imagine that everyone really is exactly the way they appear to be on the surface.  But nothing could be farther from the truth.

Absolutely everyone we meet in life is facing his or her own battle.  And this is all the more reason to love and to love like never before.

My mother was the first person to make me realize this.  She told me to be kindest to the people who seemed the meanest.  Because when you stopped and took time to get to know them, it’s like peeling an onion!  There are layers and layers underneath and everyone has a reason for being the way that they are.

In particular she told me there was a woman who she saw daily who seemed to hate her.  It’s so hard to love those who hate us.  The bible can vouch for this fact.  But she told me that when she learned of the pain this woman experienced in her life, she suddenly understood the bitterness.  She understood it instantly.  And her love for this woman was not in vain, now they’re actually really great friends!

The perfect biblical model for this kind of compassion is embodied in the life of Jesus.  He looked at the defects and the outcasts of the world and somehow he chose to love them.  I guess he saw us in a way that we cannot even see ourselves.  It’s funny because sometimes it’s not even people who are putting these labels and ideas on us.  We do it to ourselves.

If there is anyone like me, who is reading this, please know that you’re not alone.  Sometimes I feel so sad tears feel like tiny needles shooting from my eyeballs.  Or so angry that my veins will burst!  Or even so happy and loved that I imagine my happiness is contagious.  We are not our emotions or our temporary feelings.  Feelings change.  And we are never ever really alone, never at all.

Making time for God

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Quiet Time, oh how I had hated quiet time so very much when I first started doing it.  For those of you who are unfamiliar as to what quiet time is, it’s basically time you spend alone with God.  As an extrovert the idea of spending an entire hour of my day alone praying and reading the bible felt like complete torture.

I love being a part of group discussions, being around people and sharing ideas- but being alone?  No, thank you.  Because being alone means spending time with me and God.  Just the two of us together with nothing else to really distract me from his presence.  All of a sudden those early mornings I would dedicate to God would be interrupted because my bed looked extra comfy.

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It wasn’t until I listened to a Francis Chan Sermon earlier a few days ago that it dawned on me why I hated quiet time so very much.  Quiet time requires me to spend time with God alone and God sees right through me.  I can very well fool everyone I come in contact with on a daily basis; I can even fool myself.  But the one person who sees right through me is God.

That’s so intimidating!  The entire creator of the universe wants to spend time with us!  He knows our innermost thoughts and can see right through every word that we speak.  I remember a friend of mine asked me when was the last time I spent just immersed in God’s presence; I had no good answer to give.  The problem lies in the fact that at the end of the day I didn’t want to spend time in God’s presence.  I wasn’t hungering after him in a way that made me want to spend time with him.

I remember back when I was younger I would spend time in church and our pastor would tell us how important it was to read the bible daily.  My parents sounded like a broken rec93871973452541836_XQzdnpvm_c was ridiculous.  I lacked a personal relationship with God and the extent of my relationship to my father lasted for 3 hours on Sunday mornings.

It was because I didn’t really want to know God that I failed to realize the importance in pursuing him and spending time with him.  The thing is that when we start really developing meaningful relationships with people- we want to spend time with them.  It’s not a chore and it shouldn’t feel like work.  When you like being around someone, you will make time for him or her.  Why can’t the same go for our relationship with God?

When I think about quiet time the first bible character that comes to mind is Daniel.  For those of you who may not know why Daniel was, he was a bad a$$!  When he was in the king’s presence and expected to eat the King’s food- he didn’t.  He only ate things that were pleasing to God and he was actually healthier and plumper than everyone else around him.  It’s kind of funny that being “plump” was seen as such a positive back then!

But back on topic, I want to specifically look at Daniel in the lion’s den though.  A decree was published saying that no one would be allowed to pray to anyone other than the king.  But, how did Daniel, someone so passionate and in love with God respond to this?

In Daniel 6:10 it reads, “…when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before.”

He didn’t stop praying to God just because other people told him that he was not allowed to.  In fact he prayed with his window opened, because he was unashamed of his beliefs.  He knew his relationship with God and he knew that God was much more powerful than the King who told him not to pray.  What I find so funny and even a little bit sad is the fact that if this had happened to me today, I probably wouldn’t have even notice the decree at first.  Sometimes I don’t pray when I am encouraged, how I can pray knowing that I will be persecuted for doing so?

We need to become the Daniels of our generation.  We need to be so passionate and in love with God that we are confident of him and what we believe in.   And the only way we can achieve this is by making time daily for God in our lives.

The reason I waited so long to write this post.

This is a little bit of an explanation post, to explain why lately I’ve been so MIA and why for the first time in a while I think this blog is a little bit dead.  I had the amazing oppurtunity to go on a mission trip to Guyana from August 16-23rd and ever since then I’ve been too afraid to make a blog post.  I find it so funny because up until this point I had written all my other posts in hopes of reviving my blog so I would have people excited to learn about my trip.

But now that I have actually gone to Guyana I’m so afraid of actually writing a post because I want to describe my experience and give it justice.  I even wrote out almost a full post about Guyana only to accidentally close the tab.  That post didn’t really matter much though, I was just forcing myself to write.  The thing is right now I think I’m reading to write this post.  Or I really hope that I am ready to write this post.  One can only hope right?

Okay.  First, why Guyana?

I was thinking about this question for a long time recently.  Guyana is not my home country, India is my mother land.  But lately I’ve been learning a lot about Guyana and more so about Guyanese culture and I was amazed by it.  I found it so odd that I could go here and feel like the people living in Guyana were just like me yet completely different at the exact same time.  I could go into what I’ve learned as of now about Guyanese culture but I’ll wait for another day to write about that.

So I was learning about Guyana and then my mom comes to me and tells me she’s going on a trip to Guyana.  I asked her if I could go expecting her to say no, and she did.  But shortly after she said that ticket prices dropped and that she could now take me with her.  I went thinking I would be the only 19 year old going in a group of 30+ pastors.  But what ended up happening was a group of 4 of us “younger” folk signed up and we had the perfect amount of people to run a VBS and lead worship in Guyana.

From the get go we were told we were in Guyana for missions work and not for vacation.  That was still a really weird principle for me because Guyana felt like India to me and all the times I’ve been to India in the past, I’ve been on vacation.  We were definitely not slumming it though.  We had the opportunity to eat Guyanese or Guyanese “chinese” food every single meal of our stay and I loved it.

It’s funny because when all four of us young adults were asked what part of Guyana we disliked the most it was always the mosquitos.  The mosquitos and bugs just attacking you out of nowhere while you’re attempting to sing on stage.

That’s another thing about Guyana, before going there I had this high resistance to singing in public.  I didn’t want to sing anymore.  But when I went there it wasn’t about me anymore, they needed singers and I could sing.  End of story.  It reminds me of this post I meant to write before leaving for Guyana but was yet again too afraid to write.

God doesn’t call us because we are qualified, he qualifies the called.  God wasn’t asking me to have the voice of an angel or amazing presentation skills.  He asked me to be willing to go and speak for him when the opportunity arose and he asked me to not be afraid to sing his praises.

And this kind of leads me to the close of this post,  life post Guyana.  I realize that there are so many things I have yet to tell all of you about Guyana but I feel like whenever I tell someone something about my mission trip there, I’m losing a piece of it for myself.  That sounds really selfish but don’t worry I will share it all one day.  But if I want to get at least one post up, I need to know I’m still keeping pieces of the story for myself.

So, what now?  What happens to life after leaving Guyana?

Life after leaving Guyana was actually not hard to transition into, yet really hard at the same time.  I found myself not even really sure of what to do with myself entirely.  On the way to the airport back home to America everyone was saying how they would miss Guyana so much but I was too afraid to miss people.  I told the people around me to stop because they wouldn’t really miss them.  They might miss those around them for a little snippet of time, but that’s all.

This was yet another thing that I was wrestling with and its something I’ve only recently come to terms with.  I live in the city and meet new people everyday that I will never see again.  And this put a toll on me emotionally because I grew up in a small elementary school and a relatively small high school.  It hurt too much to miss all these people around me.  I told myself to stop missing people to feel better, but how could I really?  I was losing my empathy and love for the lost by marginalizing those around me.

As of right now I’m still struggling and dealing with what my life really is post Guyana.  What is my purpose anymore?  And do I leave all the problems I saw in Guyana and default that I’m just a kid too young to help.  I don’t think I can do that.

This is all for now.