Life is about the process, not the result

 

This is one of the many wise things my Calculus professor has told me this semester, that and, “It all goes downhill from here!”.  Apparently she meant that second quote in a positive way, but at the time I was grasping for breathe in anxiety.  Today in almost 2 hours, I will be taking the final I have been waiting all summer session 1 to take.  And needless to say, I am freaking out.  Not too much, just on the inside a little bit.  And I’m at the place where I don’t want to look at any other practice questions and will probably just read over my formula sheet and notes.

With all that being said I couldn’t help but thinking over and over again to this particular thing my professor said.  Life is about the process and not the result.  Somehow we had gotten on the topic of cheating and people were arguing in defense of cheating.  It really makes me sick.  I try to not show it much when people mention they cheat, but it makes me feel so sick.  And I can’t wrap my head around how people are able to rationalize cheating in their minds.  But most of the time I just keep my mouth shout and just say I don’t like cheating, in fear of offending the person I’m talking with.

But in this case the people in my class were unrelenting.  Arguing about the actual use of calculus in everyday life and how they wanted to just fast forward to the final, take it and be done.  I’m so done with taking that motto of life.  Because I’ve passed by things too quickly waiting for new things to come.  So as I sit and wait for my test to begin, I am no longer looking at it as 2 hours of wasted time.  Its 2 hours I have to study and enjoy right before my final.

And more than anything I know that even if I get a letter grade which disappoints me, whether it be because I just didn’t study enough or was not prepared enough, that this grade does not define me.  And this course isn’t important because of the letter grade I’m assigned, but the journey it took me to get this grade.  That’s what it all comes down to at the end of the day.

Because up until this point, I’ve worked hard.  Maybe not as much as I should have, and maybe I did procrastinate a lot…like now.  But I also really enjoyed this class.  It was the first time I ever found math even a little bit interesting and realized that my arithmetic sucks with a capital s.

So I beg you, and urge you, please do not just race through your life.  Going from one task to the next, caring only about the grade you were assigned at the end.  Because all of this means so little in the grand scheme of things.  And life is always about the process, never just the result.

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Day 28: Something that stresses you out

I find the timing of this post really funny, I have just a week before my math final and it is STRESSING ME OUT!  I think that all finals in general stress me out, but more so its the anticipation and fear.  Really that’s what anything in life really comes down to, fear.

I’m afraid of going for my final and realizing I know nothing.  I’m afraid of finding out whether or not I failed.  And waiting on these things turns me green with anticipation and STRESS!  Oh the stress.

The thing is, fear is crippling.  Fear can hold us back in so many different ways.  When I think back on this week, I’ve turned down at least 4 people I really wanted to spend time with because even if I procrastinate, I feel guilty having fun the week before my final.

It’s really stupid because I end up doing nothing all day anyway.  I just don’t want to allow myself the enjoyment of the company of my friends.

I remember going for my last math final and being so stressed out right before.  The final ended up being CRAZY easy and I passed with flying colors.  But right before I felt like I was going to puke.  All this anticipation was leading up to this one moment and when this moment came I didn’t really know what to do.

Because getting my final wasn’t really an awe inspiring moment.  I got my test, started and finished it like I would any other test.  Only difference was I actually really knew my stuff this time around.

It stresses me out that blackboard isn’t showing my final exam prep videos and that less and less time is there for me to study.  But it’s not until this stress really motivates me that I actually stop messing around and focus.  So I guess in many ways stress can be a really great thing.  It’s an amazing motivator for so many different reasons.