Learning how to love yourself

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Is love something that we are born knowing how to do?  Is love really a choice?

I learned late in life that writing is a lot about learning how to edit, and this is exactly what I’m doing to do in this post.  It started as a post about learning how to love, period.  But now it is a post about learning how to love oneself because this is something I feel a lot of people fail to do.

I grew up most of my life believing love was something natural, something we were born conditioned to do.  And I believed even more strongly that the ability to love was not a choice.  I didn’t love my family because I choose to love, I loved them because I just couldn’t feel anything other than love for them.  Now that I’ve grown up, somewhat, I’ve come to some sort of conclusion.  Loving someone isn’t simply a choice or not a choice.  I know this because sometimes I force myself to show love to people, this is me making a choice.  But there have been times when I’ve been so hurt that all I’ve wanted to do is hate someone, but still I found myself loving them.

There are times when loving people feels so hard.  My mom will say or do something that upsets me and the idea of showing love in that situation seems impossible.  There are times when I find it really hard to love myself.  It doesn’t make sense but sometimes the most hurtful things are not said by strangers, they are thought by ourselves.  We fail to recognize the power and authority held in words, even when these words are said to ourselves.  The bible tests to this fact as well.

Proverbs 18:21 – Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

In the above verse we are taught that life and death are in the power of our tongue!  This doesn’t just apply to what we say to people we love, this is found in the words that we tell ourselves.  The devil is a liar.  To anyone who has ever thought that they were meaningless, that their lives were meaningless or that they are alone- do not believe that lie.  Your body is the temple of God!

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

This is how precious we are!  And we are never truly alone in this world, never at all.  The amazing thing about God is that even if everyone we ever love leaves us, we always have him.  This is something we can put our hope and trust in regardless of circumstance.

I mentioned this in passing earlier but love can also not feel like a choice.  I find myself unwilling to let go of some friendships because regardless of pain I may have felt, I still love that person.  With the same token, sometimes it make feel like we don’t have a choice in how we feel.  Although I believe this is somewhat true- we always have a choice. We may not be able to dictate the way we feel, but we can choose the way we act on these feelings.  This is even more true in regards to how we respect ourselves.  Please, love yourself enough to respect yourself.  If you are feeling hurt by someone or something, remove yourself from that situation.  And if you are hurting yourself, please learn the value held in your life.

The saddest thing for me to think about is the fact that so many people fail to see how amazing they are.  Those people who can be told time and time again that they are beautiful but fail to see it!  If you are someone like that, please just take a second look.  Give yourself a second chance.  Because you are valuable and you are loved.  I can guarantee it.

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Slut Shaming

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When I was looking for pictures to better explain what I want to talk about in this post, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to stumble on the picture above.  Slut.  The word burns to even to write into this post.  And recently there has been an uproar of something called, “Slut-shaming”.  This basically means that women who are considered sluts are, being shamed.  Seems pretty intuitive right?  Well this depends on your definition of the word slut.  Jenna Marbles is infamous for the videos she creates on Youtube.  Well one day Ms. Marbles made a video that struck the interest of Laci Green, causing her to make a video of her own.

In short Jenna made a video describing behavior that she believes “sluts” partake in, while Laci made a video arguing that if men do not respect sluts, they don’t respect women.  At this point you may be wondering, what exactly is your stance Nina?  And in short, I don’t agree with either of these people.  Although they both argue their points pretty well, some of what they each say is hard to chew.

Let’s start with Lacy.  She argues that a women should be respected because she is a woman, her actions are not a part of this equation.  I’m sorry, but I’ve never followed this logic.  As far as I’m concerned just because someone is older than me, or just because someone is a particular gender, does not mean they deserve my respect.  In general, I believe it’s a pretty good idea to simply respect people or give people the benefit of the doubt.  But if their actions do not warrant respect, why should we show respect?

With the same intuition, if someone does not respect themselves, why should I respect them?  If you go into a house, steal something and leave, what are you?  A thief.  And if you dress provocatively and sleep around, what can you expect to be called?  A slut.  Laci starts to go into this whole idea that the idea of being a virgin is too important to society.  Essentially if you are not a Virgin, you are not worthy.  I was so surprised because as someone who chose to take a vow of abstinence, I feel like the contrary is also true.  Being a virgin in this day and age is really hard.  Who’s right?  As odd as it may sound, I think we’re both right in some regards.  A lot of people look at virgins as though they are mythological creatures, literally.  I remember hearing that virgins who are hot are considered unicorns!  There was even a post from Reddit about this, and although the language is questionable, the message is good.

What does the bible have to say about all of this?

1 Corinthians 6:12-20 ESV / 11 helpful votes

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” …

It essentially believes in the sanctity of preserving yourself before marriage.  From a religious perspective, having sex before marriage is not acceptable.  So if this is true, does this mean women should be called sluts?  I know that this is a controversial opinion but, if the shoe fits?  I think it’s wrong when a word like slut is thrown around and used to classify an entire class of women.  But if someone  is acting in a way that warrants being called a slut, how can you be angry if she is called that?  I personally would never call a woman a slut, but I don’t know if I can expect this behavior from everyone else around me.

I remember this girl once asked openly, why should Christians be virgins?  Is it something necessary today in the age of birth control and contraceptives.  The way I think about it, when you have sex with someone just as the bible preaches, you become one with them.  Can you imagine how painful it would be to become one with someone only to break up with them a month of two later?  When you are married you have made a commitment honorable before God.  When you become one, you are supposed to stay as one.

I can agree with Laci about the fact that the word slut shouldn’t be thrown around.  I can also agree with Jenna about that fact that certain actions warrant being called a slut.  But at the end of the day whether or not you are a virgin is your decision.  (in almost all cases)  It’s your decision to accept whether or not having your virginity is a good thing or a bad thing.  Because there will always be people who call girls sluts for no reason.  When that happens you need to be sure of who you are regardless of what other people think.  But then again, that’s just my opinion.