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Save me from myself

Written by Nina Thomas

There’s a hole in my heart

A hole from which anger and pain spill out

A hole I’ve so desperately tried to fill

I’ve stuffed it to the brim with conversations

“hello” and “how are you”

….good

I’ve filled it by fixing my outward appearance

Flat irons and curlers

Mascara and eyeliner

Nail polish

Lipstick

By trying really hard in classes, sometimes

Scheduling every single moment of my life

But the paper stuffing just sags and the pain just pours out

Because the liquid hate rushes out

And I can’t find enough paper fast enough

The paper that is in limited supply

I’m in danger

Danger of drowning in a pool of my own pain

Danger of this spilling over and kneeling over

But no one seems to notice, no one seems to care

And I wonder, how long will my life stay like that

A constant teetering between complacency and deep drowning sadness

It’s time for me to fix this hole.

—–

But “I” cannot

And the harder “I” try, the deeper “I” delve

Until-

I close my eyes and cry out

Abba Father, hear my tears, listen to my pain!

I scream out and someone hears my gurgled call

Then His love sweeps over my pain

The antidote from a broken soul

His love reaches in and pulls out all the paper

His love reaches across and satisfies the unquenchable hole

His love saves me from myself

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