People are born inherently selfish. At the end of the day, all that matters is me, myself and I. It’s a sad but necessary truth to come to terms with. I see it in my everyday life; I see this in myself. As much as I want to believe otherwise the truth is so clear. Think about it.
In our friendships we care about how we feel. Would we really continue a friendship with someone who really needed us if being friends with them made us feel bad? I sincerely doubt it. I don’t even blame myself for feeling this way. There have been so many times when I’ve known a friend has needed me, but I have thought about myself instead. I think about how I feel and whether or not I am being benefitted. I think about whether or not I will be hurt. It takes every ounce of love in me not to be this person who I so desperately want to be.
This has been my life’s story. I feel like so much of my life has been spent struggling with understanding the person I want to be and the person that God wants me to be. I never wanted to be the Christian girl. It was a stigma I had avoided as early as possible. But that is what I am and I am now proud of it. So much of my time is spent struggling with anger, jealously and pettiness. This is the person that I want to be in the moment. This person who feels her blood boil in rage because of whatever reason. The type of person who only cares about myself at the end of the day, as sad as that may be. The type of person who I want to be, in the moment. The person I desperately try not to be.
I sometimes don’t want to be around people. I do not want to love. Love is a choice. I know it because sometimes I choose to love. But despite everything that I have said, God still sees me and he loves me. He knows that I am imperfect, petty, angry and sometimes just mean. God knows this but somehow he loves me so much.
God is selfless. So selfless that he gave his very own son to die on the cross for our sins. He chooses to love us knowing our every downfall.
That is why I have hope. I hope in a world filled with misery and shame. So much pain and violence and hurt- yet I still have hope. I have hurt so many people and I have felt so hurt but the only thing I know I can cling to, is my hope.
I remember hearing a song once that said just this. “My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus blood and righteous”
Where is your hope built?