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Being completely candid here, I used to be a Facebook addict.  Even without an actual Facebook account I find myself going on other people’s profiles and taking over their feeds,  But regardless, I no longer have Facebook and at one point I would spend a good amount of everyday just on Facebook.  I used to be one of those people who was super skeptical about those people who didn’t have Facebook accounts.  I mean, what were you trying to hide.  If you didn’t have a Facebook account, you were no longer relevant to me.  I mean how else can I tag you in my pictures?  And that picture you just took of me, where is that going?  Your personal collection? No thank you.

Now I’ve become one of those people who I was at once so skeptical of.  I remember telling someone I didn’t have Facebook only to be met by an annoyed looked from them, I’m one of those people.

For this reason I thought a post explaining how to be socially relevant without Facebook is more than fitting.  The key thing to remember here is that nothing actually happens unless it’s documented on Facebook.  That party at your friends house?  You better check in.  That sleepover slumber party with friends?  Instragram, Facebook and Tweet it, otherwise clearly it never happened.  Every person on the face of the earth most constantly be aware of where you are at the moment and what you are currently doing.  If your name is not searchable from my Facebook search box, you clearly do not exist.

Now in order to compensate you must follow my instructions very carefully, otherwise you’re just a human being who talks to people in person pfft.

1.  Take over Instagram

Seriously, take pictures of everything.  Wow what a beautiful window!  Filter time.  You will be clogging up the smart phones of all of your friends so much that they just can’t help but remember you.

2.  Hack everyone’s phone

Forget about the fact that you’re not actually a master hacker and pretend that you’ve accomplished some amazing feat while taking over your friends Facebook while they go pee.  Write everywhere, comment everything and do not leave any posts unliked.

3.  Status update in person

Have something witty to say and no one to share it with?  Oh wait… you have nothing witty to say?  Okay have SOMETHING to say?  Good.  Now write this down and the next time you are at a social gathering say it as loud as possible to as many different groups of people as possible.  They will not forget you.

4.  Realize that you are still relevant without a Facebook account tied behind you

Your value as a person is not tied to whether or not you have a Facebook account, there are real live tangible people in the world who would love to talk to you.  Make time for them.


Hope this helps!  🙂 …If it doesn’t, maybe start an online blog?  (juuuust kidding, who would do that?)