I felt the sudden need to write about this and considering that its 1 in the morning and I doubt I’ll be able to fall asleep anytime soon, why not write?
I’m reading a book about an Indian girl who grows up in a middle class mostly white suburban neighborhood and struggles to blend in. In example, the life of Nina as well as the protagonist in the novel Born Confused by Tanuja Desai Hidier. I don’t want to really ruin anything for those of you who want to read it, but I will tell you that the protagonist is not happy with herself.
She’s so desperate to be anything but herself that she blends in more and more. I couldn’t help but think, “How sad is that?” Instead of embracing what makes us unique as human beings we long just to blend in.
It reminded me of something I struggled to realize when first entering college but now feel so happy to know. I’ll never be anyone else except who I am, and that is amazing. It’s an amazing feeling to accept yourself for who you and understand that not everyone will find you endearing. And that its okay not to like doing things that other people enjoy doing.
I remember thinking beauty was something black and white. Either you are born with a pretty face or you’re not. But that’s not true, not even in the slightest. A pretty face means you are pretty but being beautiful means being beautiful inside and out. Finding that in a person is hard to do.
Psalms 139:13-14 reads
“13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.”
You are created the way that you are created for a reason, never doubt that, even for a second. Because more than developing piss poor self esteem and self worth, you are demeaning God’s work. God created you to be you for a reason.
So I find myself tempted to alter myself and to fit a mold that will blend in with everything else. But God created me to be different. I will never stop loving to take pictures to capture random moments, or even fight for women’s equality in seemingly stupid ways. It’s who I am.
And I never want to be anyone but myself, because I am amazing.