This picture was taken of me on June 17th, almost exactly one year ago. (Give or take a week?) How do I know this? This was the day I went for my college orientation. I apologize if this picture is distorted, it’s much more flattering on a smaller scale! This is actually one of the only ID pictures I really like of myself which I find funny because I remember how horrible I felt that day.
I was not ready for commuting to my college. I ended up staying at the dorms my first year but now this is something that I will have to deal with! I left my house at 5AM to reach school disastrously early at 7-ish. I got off at the six train with a set of cute instructions from a friend of mine who graduated from my college a little while ago. But being that the six train is so close to school my instructions ended there- I mean how could I get lost a block a way?
I got lost. And I was petrified. My college is in the city and I literally have little to no sense of direction. I can go the same route everyday for a year and still need a GPS or navigation.
I eventually made it to school really sweaty and really exhausted. It was then that I was told to smile for my ID picture. My friends always yell at me for not smiling with my teeth but at that point I was so tired I’m lucky I didn’t blink. I actually I did blink the first time this picture was taken, but I got a redo. Aren’t we so lucky to have those sometimes? I’ve had my fair share already.
I let my situation dictate my emotions. A year ago, I did that ALL the time. I remember a little later on our orientations leaders told us, “Don’t be sad in your ID pictures, you have them for 4 years!!” After hearing that I so desperately wanted to retake mine but was too scared to ask. I just got really lucky that I still ended up liking it.
One year ago at this time I really didn’t want anything to do with InterVarsity, a christian fellowship at my school. I didn’t want to be known as this crazy Jesus girl like I’ve been known for most of my life to my non-religious friends. I was planning on joining a sorority and maybe a few other clubs like newspaper. I thought being part of a church was enough, at that was the extent of my dedication to God.
A year ago I think I didn’t really even want to go to the college I now I go to. I wasn’t secure in the person I now know I am. And I was really scared of going to a college that everyone close to me told me not to go to. My uncle and my mom wanted me to go to a small private college nearby. And the idea of being in the city alone really scared them. Some people told me going far away to upstate New York was the way to go.
Honestly, I can’t help but think about how Jeremiah 29:11 was in action all along,
“‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'”
I look back at this journal entry the day I wrote I decided to go to college in the city. And this was a decision I made 100% on my own, or so I thought. God was really in control even from the start.
A year ago I was mostly the person I am today, just not fully there yet, something was missing. And a year from now I’ll be pretty much the same as today, just a little bit better.