I remember when I fell in love with the saying:
“That which does not kill me only makes me stronger.” [I feel like I having the phrasing wrong?]
That was until I watched an episode of Modern family and Manny [the young latina boy in this family who I have grown to adore], commented on the ridiculous nature of the quote. So if I’m in a hospital after a horrible accident and I’m weaker but still alive, how exactly does that make me stronger?
WELL, I agreed with young Manny for a very long time. That was until I looked back on some of the mistakes in my life. There is one mistake that always sticks out to me and had happened a few years ago, but it still haunts. I poked my head where I REALLY shouldn’t have.
For so long I wished I could back in time and just stop myself, just knock some self into myself and say “Nina don’t be an idiot, some things are NOT worth fighting for, and it’s not your business!” I thought of how easy, how amazing, how much better my life would be if this event had never occurred, and then I realized how horrible my life may have become as well.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but this one event changed me and made me better. It made me more mature, more conscious, more loving and closer to God. I would like to think I’m not the same person I was the end of my freshman year of high school but who’s to say where I would be without my failures.
For a large part of my life I felt like a failure. I remember beginning of sophomore year I was winning everything I competed in, and then, I lost. I felt horrible, I felt like giving up, but somehow I think I’ve learned more from my failures than my successes.
When I somehow [really have no idea how] placed in a speaking competition I thought I did horrible in, I was complacent. Sure it was nice to get a huge trophy but did I grow?
Then I worked hard, and when I lost anyway- I couldn’t understand why I was failing, but because of my failure I tried again and became a better speaker because of it.
It’s so easy to be angry at God when things don’t seem to go the right way. When you try try and try and yet you still fail. But those are the moments that shape us and make us into the people who are truly meant to be.
If you look in Isaiah 64:8:
Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
I truly believe that our God is shaping us, molding us and breaking us, but ONLY for his greater purpose.
I now believe that which does not kill me only makes me stronger is because I realize that it is during our trials and failures and troubles that we are shaped into what we are supposed to be.
I look forward to what I will some day become.
See you tommrow,
July 28th 2010
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